Section III: Santa Claus' Links With Secret Societies, Intel' Networks and International Drug Runners

(i) A Brief History of Crime

It was said by Robert Anton Wilson that the history of the world is really the history of the war between secret of societies. Or words to that effect.

A man who has oft involved himself in every aspect of this war is Santa Nicholas Claus. From garnering intelligence on the Communist empire of the USSR during the Cold War to being implicitly involved in the Kennedy assassination, Claus' hands are stained with the blood of thousands of intel' agents, political dissidents and heads of states from every corner of the earth.

The first recorded image of Santa appeared in 1881's Punch. In a feature by Thomas Nast who covered the end of the first Boer War, a photo appears clearly showing a bedraggled Claus dressed in a muddy torn poncho carrying armaments and a dead baby, which he appears to have taken a bite out of. The child’s entrails can be seen hanging from Claus’s mouth – and his already impressive beard appears to be matted with blood.

Reports subsequently surfaced of Claus and his entourage abducting young tribal children around the Cape Colony area and Kimberly. Some children’s bodies were found severely mutilated, while other children simply disappeared, never to be heard of again. While there are many theories as to why Claus involved himself in the first Boer War, no one can say with any certainty what his real motivations for being there were.

In the trenches of World War One, the historic football game of Christmas 1914 was replaced by a foggy phantasm of Santa's spectre delivering death in the form of shiny rocket baubles. The traditional image of White Rock beverages in 1915 was used by Santa to sell mineral water, then associating his image with ginger ale in 1923. During the onset of the prohibition law, Nicholas also took part in supplying illegal liquor to the racketeers. He gave Al Capone his famous scar when the gangster sought to cut him out of distribution rights for the beverages. In co-operation with Russian Intelligence Services we have learnt of suspicions that Nicholas was linked to smearing the first British Labour Government of 1924 with turkey fat. A recently unearthed diary of Ivanelf confirms these actions grew from a drunken rage over then premier Lloyd George's incessant harping for the New Years Honours List. The wishlist arrived at Lapland, forwarded by Timothy Lincoln and Maundy Gregory, although intended for The Queen. Agitated by Zinovieff's Christmas list which he had received on the same day, Nicholas cut and pasted the collection into a letter which he then sent to the British Foreign Office.

(iii) Claus' Contravention of Child Labour Laws

The imagery of the red shoe accompanying Santa everywhere is a violent reminder to slaves that the workplace is under his control. Its also indicative of a man with a serious foot fetish. If rumour is to be believed it was once used against him during an assassination plot when he was given as a gift a dynamite slipper. The attempt failed as the measurements were too wide and straight at the top.

One of the main areas where Claus breaks child labour laws concerns his drafting of children and child elves to manufacture his toys in workshops. Sources inform us that massive backlogs occur most years due to the unreliability of Santa’s global research and development teams tasked with making predictions on the next big toy craze. These incorrect predictions cause a rush to produce the actual popular toys and require hurried recruitment and training of infant elves. Claus pulled strings with His sources in the Chinese government to outsource to Beijing sweatshops, where children are also employed in appalling conditions. These conditions are replicated in Claus’s own toy workshops where child elves are required to work 48 hour shifts, often without breaks. They are fed once within each 24hr period. Due to their extremely slow metabolism they can function on this meagre sustenance and complete their work. Close exposure in handling these toxic lead toys apparently lead to painless deaths within six months to a year. Disabled children in the Third World are not so lucky.

Santa's eugenicist agenda is further revealed in the summary executions carried out on a daily basis in His workshops – with the weakest elf child usually the main fatality. It has been reported that other elf children are tasked with carrying out the executions with many instances of one child elf having to kill a brother or sister. Eyewitness reports convey this is done by hand, grinding lumps from coal stocks into their skinny green faces.

(ii) Geoccultography

One source has it that Santa is also known as Nicholas Van Scrag, a noted child catcher, banned from the Austro-Hungarian Empire after the position was outlawed by a Pro-Life group close to Joseph II.

During the pacification of Santafarian imagery, the postcode H0H 0H0 was affixed to the Canadian residence in the North Pole. In the code of The Order of the Golden Dawn this translates as "Fox Noose scream Obey Oh". The original postcode translated by the same system as "Granny's knitted purse". This was apparently the cause of some embarrassment to the 33rd degree mason at White Lodge meetings. The region was acquired by the Claus dynasty who according to Joscelyn Goodwin in Arktos, The Polar Myth thought it to be an "esoteric archetype of spiritual purity and transcendence". Henry Corbin notes the primary residence's place in Sufism and Iranian Mysticism. Mount Qaf, at the centre of this region, "whose ascent, like Dante's climbing of the Mountain of Purgatory, represents the pilgrim's progress." In Iranian philosophy, "places ablaze with immaterial matter". These aspects are utilised in the notorious meetings of The Hyperborean Group, made up of global elites which elect "the real one" every fifty years.

Despite this, black ops strikes were launched earlier this year, though proved futile given the harsh terrain and risks incurred in triggering Claus' attention. Among the rumours of Santa's current location, Tibet resurfaces for similar reasons as above. The Foreign Office could not confirm or deny the region's hierarchical position in the occultist's mindset. However, one of our sources did speak of Claus' interests in deposing Saturnalia and the other old gods who held major investments in cycles.


Bibliography

Corbin, H. (1998) Alone with the Alone, Princeton University Press

Section II Sex Crimes Of Santa Nicolas Claus – Including Contravention Of Child Labour Laws and Claus’ Link To Occult Child Murder Rituals

(i) The Claus Link To Occult Child Murder Rituals

While many in the West consider Santa Claus to be a figure of fun, bringing cheer and happiness to countless children across the world, a more sinister aspect of His conduct toward some children belie this generally accepted impression of Him.

December 5th is known among elite circles as ‘Santa Day’. Many reliable sources report incidences of child abduction increase two-fold across the world towards this date, with the safe return of said children being almost nonexistent. It is our belief that these abducted children are used by Claus and his cabal as sacrificial offerings to the ‘anti-Santa’ Krampus. According to folklore he is an incubus demon who travels the world warning ‘bad’ children they will not receive any presents from Santa if they do not mend their ways. Insider elves inform us that on the stroke of midnight between December 4th and 5th, Claus and three high Satanic priestesses lay out seven heavily drugged children on sacrificial alters, cutting their throats. When this is completed the bodies of the children are hung upside down and bowls are placed underneath to collect the blood that empties from their entrails. Santa and the priestesses then strip naked and elf slaves are required to smear the blood all over their bodies. According to some of these former elf slaves it is at this point the demon Krampus materialises. The priestesses and Claus bow in front of the demon entity and request that it go out into the world and inform ‘bad’ children to modify their behaviour. Finally they bring the remaining bowlfuls of blood to Krampus who imbibes hungrily. Aleistar Crowley propagated the theory that the blood of traumatised children is rich in magickal power, and so the high priestesses and Claus try and terrify the children as much as they can before killing them.

The rest of the abducted children who were not used in the sacrifice are shipped to the four corners of the world to be used as sex slaves by famous paedophiles, including, but not limited to, Cliff Richard and Paul Daniels. It is reported that Claus charges a premium rate for these children and the funds he accrues from this trafficking he invests into shares in weapons manufacturers and bribing members of the worldwide Israeli lobby (see Section III).

The day following the sacrifice is also known as 'St. Nicholas Day', which many religious scholars understand to be an inversion of the Christian Holy Communion. Obtained samples of the food (including mince pies) and refreshments (including sherry) examined by scientists confirm that traces of human materials (blood, saliva, DNA) were found. We can assume that the bodies of some of the abducted children are used in the manufacture of this food and unsubstantiated reports from elves working in Claus’ kitchens say that the children's cadavers are ground up and added to the mince pies etc.

The date is traditionally accompanied by global food shortages and riots. Food is well placed as occult symbolism psychologically employed by the Santa elite moving closer to Christmas. According to the 1688 incantations reprinted in The Feast of St. Nicholas and Jesus Last Supper: Parallels of War in Religion, Region and Culture, brownies and marzipan figurines are utilised by Him in the practice of voodoo. Unholy purpose sought in evocation rituals involves Milk and cookies embodying the symbolism of sperm and eggs in a creationist ritual.

(iv) Santa and The Environmental Movement

Common belief holds Santa to be a resident of Greenland, though this in fact a recent mistake. Misidentifying the regions is an outcome of consciousness manipulation in Claus' revisionist stratagem, tying his operations into the current fashion for all things 'Green'.

Together with Piter Mandelson, Nicholas Claus has been involved in smears against the Green Party, preventing them from securing a political foothold. Documented fact of the BNP's racism correlates with Santa's anti-Semitism and refusal to employ jewish elves. By rigging the BNP's rise to power, Mandelson and Claus seek to subvert contrasts in fringe party politics and reinforce the two-party system perception. Also, hes a right cunt inni. Cutting off organised Green politics movements and delivering them to obscurity, they were then be free to co-opt Green themes into their own agendas.

Intel shows us that this has already begun. Santa's links with Al Gore and the so-called global warming movement divert attention away from the smoking gun: Project Whitewater. Gore's stocks and shares in TRON Technologies funded their use of fusion reactors to melt polar icecaps. This also involved propane and propane accessories and the removal of Antarctica's Mount Walton was the first casualty. At Gore's behest, Santa took global water levels to a new precedent. As a cover, He doctored photos of Galactus, Unicron and Thor using the Earth as a football and placed them at the scene. Mr. Werther's original study concluded, "Because of deforestation, there are no trees in the Antarctic, but the weight of evidence suggests there never were."

At LapTech Labs, Santa's agent provocateur Bea Campbell aided by ex-doctor David Southall, developed a hypodermic needle allowing for injection of tomatoes into any printing press. This explains why the Green Party has celebrated the arrival of Campbell in their ranks. As a Santaist, it is suspected her allegiance will knock a powerful blow to the party's chances. The General British public regard her as an immoral scapegoating fibber and molester of adults. To a lesser extent, Greens have been manipulated away from global issues, splitting their ranks. Spokesperson George Monbiot was manipulated during a heavy dose of constipation by Santa, into believing he had a large bomb in his belly. This would be triggered on his visit to one of the planet's more beautiful landscapes if he did not speak out against the 9/11 Truth Movement. The lie was revealed shortly after Monbiot ingested some high fibre apricots, but by then the damage had been done.

References
Daniels, J. (1973) Santa, Capone and Chicago's Bootlegging Legacy, Bargain Books
Curtis, A. (2007) St. Nicholas and the Nazis: From Santa to Swastikas, BBC

The Rockstar Games Controversy

In 1993 a Northern Irish woman called Maisie Patterson, secretary of the Harrison Ford Official Fan Club, campaigned for the actor's release. Santa, getting wind of her activism, turned her into digital actuary signals and put her in the game Grand Theft Auto III. "Imprisoned as the wee Norn Irish bag lady who threatens to put something through yer windies if you nearly run her over", a spokesperson remarked. Amnesty International are campaigning to Rockstar Games for medical treatment and her immediate release .

(iii) Santa and The Entertainment Industry

Case Study: Tom and Jerry

In the 1950s, Santa returned West and began pursuing his agenda through a new medium, television. He seduced the children of William Hanna with Coca-Cola 'fixes' and threatened to disclose this to the FBI. Hanna and Barbera were thus blackmailed into making a cartoon which represented His own take on sex and relationships. The result was Tom and Jerry. On the surface it seemed a harmless cartoon where the prey got the upper hand against its predator. In fact it represents Jerry as an overtly homosexual mouse with sadist transvestite sex drives. Unable to form normal relationships, he seeks sex with a cat called Tom, in appearance a devoutly heterosexual male, but in fact a closet homosexual. Unable and unwilling to express his true sexuality, he resorts to violence towards Jerry. The mouse is compliant while Tom gives release to his masochistic side, sharing in the dominant-submissive cycle in receiving violence at the end of every cartoon. This is the only way he can get an erection, as Hanna/Barbara later admitted before the Senate Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency. The content of these shows were to lead to sweeping censorship laws of comics and animation which would last four decades. The content of these shows, scripted by Santa himself, are telling clues in His relationship with his wife and children in His charge.


Celebrity links

Through the years Santa has cultivated a number of deals with Hollywood to promote retroactive continuity of a kindly image. However, behind the scenes these links within the world of the arts celebrity have had dire consequences. Santa drove Karen Carpenter to weight loss and unsubstantiated insinuations persist that he molested singer Bjork when she was a child. The Obama administration has exhumed the records of John Wayne, a personal friend of Claus for clues.

Mick Jagger was an acolyte, and as odes to Grandfather Frost composed 'Sympathy for the Devil', and named an album "Their Santanic Majesties Request", misspelt by Decca Records as 'Satanic'. Santa was furious with Belzeebub over the incident and bound and exiled him to a fictional dimension where he was known as Ross Kemp. When movie star Harrison Ford stumbled upon Claus' contacts in the Reagan White House, he had him frozen in a Lapland vault and replaced with an impostor.

His friendship with Rupert Murdoch and ownership of shares in Fox and CNN have facilitated maintaining power and control in recent times. Doctor Who producer Russell T. Davies has been cleared recently of the charges against him of partaking in Santa's bizarre orgies involving satyrs (half-men, half-goats). Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh are still under investigation, particularly since the photographs of Cowell in a beard and spectacles disguise emerged. The late Johnny Cash, whose ditty "Folsom Prison Blues" alludes to the singer's previous assasination attempt on Nicholas, is being decoded for intelligence purposes.