(ii) In Profile: Mrs Claus

Mary Goody nee Claus was a renowned early suffragette who disappeared from London society when she met Claus (then Reyes Magos). The two married in 1849. Initially seduced by his magical charms, in wedlock she came to know an aging substance user and domestic abuser, high on bottled raven adrenalin. Visits by associate Krampus made matters worse when the 1880s economic crash hit hard on their Lapland Ranch. The two insisted Mary retrieve cigarette butts from all the bins for recycling. This must have been particularly trying for the feminist, especially as data shows particularly harsh winters that decade. The years began to take their toll so it was no surprise when in 1888 she was trampled near to death by a Taunton.
At first, Santa considered stepping down so a replacement could take on the role and marry his offspring. Then, he considered marrying his own daughter. Counselled by Krampus, he gave his consent for the incubus demon to impregnate Mary's frozen remains. Using voodoo ice sculptures, microwave technologies and nanotech developed from their business resources, Mrs Mary Claus was reanimated at the cost of her daughter's life. The form that emerged was one more subservient and tolerant of the rampages of living with Claus and developed a crueler streak. The three would outdo one another in fiendish schemes. This came to a head when Mary developed a remote control device for an iceberg which sank the HMS Titanic in 1912. Santa and Krampus realised they would have to reign her in, and she was transferred to the Finance Department. Scholars state that this successfully curbed Nicholas' own excesses. In the 1960s the second wave of Woman's Liberation triggered flashbacks to her feminist persona and she began stalking Bob Dylan. She gave the order for the invasion of Vietnam to encourage the performer to return to acoustic performances and claimed Vietnam did not sit with her colour scheme. She also ordered the BBC erase all tapes of Patrick Troughton as Doctor Who, believing him to be a resistance fighter broadcasting coded information on their swiss bank accounts. Mary Claus was successfully captured during Operation Blizzard earlier this year and is in training for a law post with Carter and Ruck of London.


(iii) Random Local Case Sudy: Northern Ireland

One representative sample of a global power base suburb was carried out in the small realm of Northern Island were many well-known personalities have pledged their allegiance to the cartel. These include a mind-controlled Pamela Ballyntyne and Noel Thompson. Inspector Keith Burnside has acted as an enforcer, utilising his broadcasts Scene Around Six, Police Six and The Bill to round up young offenders who had upturned shoes. One notable victim of Burnside included the late showbusiness personality Jim Megaw. After losing his job to Claus' Tescopoly, Megaw was sentenced to Alcatraz after being caught on the grounds of 'Crazy Prices' centres careering Santa's trolleys into one another. Broadly however, many cartel sponsors on the Northern Island scene are freemasons who like to help out, or Scientologists who believe in the practice of masturbatory behaviourism.

Section II Sex Crimes Of Santa Nicolas Claus – Including Contravention Of Child Labour Laws and Claus’ Link To Occult Child Murder Rituals

(i) The Claus Link To Occult Child Murder Rituals

While many in the West consider Santa Claus to be a figure of fun, bringing cheer and happiness to countless children across the world, a more sinister aspect of His conduct toward some children belie this generally accepted impression of Him.

December 5th is known among elite circles as ‘Santa Day’. Many reliable sources report incidences of child abduction increase two-fold across the world towards this date, with the safe return of said children being almost nonexistent. It is our belief that these abducted children are used by Claus and his cabal as sacrificial offerings to the ‘anti-Santa’ Krampus. According to folklore he is an incubus demon who travels the world warning ‘bad’ children they will not receive any presents from Santa if they do not mend their ways. Insider elves inform us that on the stroke of midnight between December 4th and 5th, Claus and three high Satanic priestesses lay out seven heavily drugged children on sacrificial alters, cutting their throats. When this is completed the bodies of the children are hung upside down and bowls are placed underneath to collect the blood that empties from their entrails. Santa and the priestesses then strip naked and elf slaves are required to smear the blood all over their bodies. According to some of these former elf slaves it is at this point the demon Krampus materialises. The priestesses and Claus bow in front of the demon entity and request that it go out into the world and inform ‘bad’ children to modify their behaviour. Finally they bring the remaining bowlfuls of blood to Krampus who imbibes hungrily. Aleistar Crowley propagated the theory that the blood of traumatised children is rich in magickal power, and so the high priestesses and Claus try and terrify the children as much as they can before killing them.

The rest of the abducted children who were not used in the sacrifice are shipped to the four corners of the world to be used as sex slaves by famous paedophiles, including, but not limited to, Cliff Richard and Paul Daniels. It is reported that Claus charges a premium rate for these children and the funds he accrues from this trafficking he invests into shares in weapons manufacturers and bribing members of the worldwide Israeli lobby (see Section III).

The day following the sacrifice is also known as 'St. Nicholas Day', which many religious scholars understand to be an inversion of the Christian Holy Communion. Obtained samples of the food (including mince pies) and refreshments (including sherry) examined by scientists confirm that traces of human materials (blood, saliva, DNA) were found. We can assume that the bodies of some of the abducted children are used in the manufacture of this food and unsubstantiated reports from elves working in Claus’ kitchens say that the children's cadavers are ground up and added to the mince pies etc.

The date is traditionally accompanied by global food shortages and riots. Food is well placed as occult symbolism psychologically employed by the Santa elite moving closer to Christmas. According to the 1688 incantations reprinted in The Feast of St. Nicholas and Jesus Last Supper: Parallels of War in Religion, Region and Culture, brownies and marzipan figurines are utilised by Him in the practice of voodoo. Unholy purpose sought in evocation rituals involves Milk and cookies embodying the symbolism of sperm and eggs in a creationist ritual.