Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Santa: A Brief History of Crime

The currency of competing intel' agencies is blackmail and subterfuge. No type of blackmail is more valuable and effective in the right hands than sex blackmail. In 1943 the compromising of Claus by the Office of Strategic Services (OSS) using sex blackmail, set him on a 50 year journey of deep espionage and state sabotage, that would see even his conscience pricked on more than one occasion.

At the time Claus was heavily involved in the Thule Society after it had been revived by founder Walter Nauhaus. It was Nauhaus who saw the publicity that would be generated by the recruitment of Claus as a member, and Claus took on his role within the society with much gusto. It was he who reiterated the origins of the word 'Thule' and referenced ancient Greek poet Virgil who cited Thule as being 'a land located...in the furthest north' now seen as Scandinavia.

In 1942 Claus along with members of the society led an expedition to the fabled land of Hyperboria (of which Thule is said to be the capital), along with members of the Nazi party. He later played host to Rudolf Hess, Hans Frank and Josef Mengle in his palatial house in Lapland. It is believed by many that Claus' favourite reindeer was named Rudolf after Hess, who also took a shine to him.

It was at this shindig that Claus permitted Mengle to carry out rudimentary mind control tricks on his elves, a parlour trick which quickly descended into a vicious homoerotic orgy led by some of the more violent and predatory Nazi homosexuals of the group. But also among the group was an OSS double agent who documented the debasement of the elves with a concealed camera. Months later this evidence was presented to Claus, and he was informed that if he did not comply with the instructions of Allied intel' networks he would be brought up at the Nuremberg trials and accused of Nazi collaboration. Claus' options were thus limited and he gave the Allies all the intelligence they needed on top secret Nazi programmes that were being run out of Lapland, including locations and personnel involved. Many retired MI-6 agents now acknowledge the role Claus' information played in ending World War 2.

After WW2, Lapland was ceded into the Soviet Union. Santa's deals with IBM, the Union Banking Corporation and Prescott Sheldon Bush made him so rich that only Iceland concerned him in the geographical power struggle. He kept trolls as allies but set them to war with the elves. This allowed him to greater levy provision of protectionism in exchange for their labour. Claus thereafter remained on the periphery of the Cold War occasionally feeding the west with intel’ on the USSR’s nuclear capabilities and, on Christmas Eve dropping pro-western literature over East Berlin.

His journey from the Cold War era until the modern day post-Neoconservative world is dealt with in following sections of this report, notably in the section on Santa's cartel. To write about it here all over again would be a bit bloody stupid and a waste of everyone's time now wouldn't it?


Curtis, A. (2007) St. Nicholas and the Nazis: From Santa to Swastikas, BBC

Daniels, J. (1973) Santa, Capone and Chicago's Bootlegging Legacy, Bargain Books

Jones, A. (1997) TerrorClaus: A Secret History of Santa Claus' War Crimes and Banking Crimes and What he plans for the 21st Century from the heart of his Global Elite Lapland Fortress Investigation That Will Shock In My New Unique Film, InfoWars Films

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